my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
