the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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