I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
