I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
3pm strippers are depressing
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
