Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
