I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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