I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
