help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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