Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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