Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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