Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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