The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
