it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
