How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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