I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
