I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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