so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
