I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
