OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
