We're like a lot better than the average bears
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
