why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
