How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
