the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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