I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
