The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
