i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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