too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
