it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
