oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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