I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
