I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
