we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
