4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
