you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize