I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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