I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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