I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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