Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You are the jesus of drinking
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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