Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
