So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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