One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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