This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
