turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
