please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
