I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
