Me too!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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