Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
