what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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