remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
