Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
