wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
