He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
