Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
