Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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