from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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