she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
