So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
