just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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