do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The police scanner is talking about you again....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
