so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
