TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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