it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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