My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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