My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize