Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
