Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
