Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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