I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
