i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
