OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
