So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
