You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
