i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
