my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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