yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
that may or may not have been my penis.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
